October 28.3

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iii. (scroll down to start from the start for now)

And that’s the problem
with the stars

more alone, aloof than
they seem,

dehisced from
the constellations

we’ve housed them in,
Orion, Cygnus,

they are far things.
The connecting lines

only appear with distance,
the light that reaches us

is old, that star is long gone,
or at least not the same

as we now know it,
a heart grown familiar

growing foreign
again.

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3 Comments

  1. I love this. It’s a poem in and of itself. The first stanza is intriguing and conversational…pulled me in. And I can also see how it might fit really, really well in a set. I have one little thing that I might suggest. Please forgive me. Even though I’m a gardener, I’d never heard the word dehisced (sp) so I actually left the poem to look it up and returned to the poem. Of course, once I returned to the poem it worked perfectly, but only if the reader knows it. (Maybe a lot of people do, and I’m the odd one!) So then I read the poem through again. Lovely, of course, but my reading hiccupped at that spot and moved on. So I was wondering if you could find a more common word because the whole image would work so well. Like, maybe, spilled from, flung from, burst from….Whole writers group thing again. I’m so sorry, but I love the poem. Just a suggestion. Sigh. It stands beautifully alone. Take care.
    Sally

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    • Funnily enough I didn’t realize it had a gardening sense, I’m familiar with it as a medical term, as in wound dehiscence when sutures come apart.

      Unfortunately, that just makes me like the word even more– it’s a fair point it might take people out of the poem, but my love of unusual words is not rational and therefore does not respond to reason :p

      I will have to come back and edit this one in a while, and I’ll keep it in mind!

      Like

  2. Got it. Makes so much sense. Should have asked my daughter, the nurse : ) I also love words, unusual words, and some just seem perfect. I sometimes think that we writers are word addicts! If talking about writing is a pain, please tell me to stop. I know you’d do it nicely : ) I’m such a creature of habit about discussing work with other writers in person. It’s very different online, I know. btw, no matter what, if you see something you want to suggest in my own poems, please do. We may not change anything, but talking about my work, as with an editor or fellow writer, really helps me approach the poem with new eyes. Take care.
    Sally

    Like

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